SOMETIMES I’M GOOD SOMETIMES I’M BAD
Englishman dressed as a nanny pushing a pram. A spirited George Harrison pokes out from the pram, singing. Three surgeons and Dracula appear in front of the Crackerbox Palace sign. George Harrison sings, the nanny stares at us. A castle. A gargoyle. Garden gnome people appear from shrubbery. They disappear. George Harrison sings in a schoolboy outfit. He picks his nose.
A woman in lingerie beckons from a tree. An army general points at George Harrison. A framed picture has the writing ‘Crackerbox Palace’ A man wearing a policeman hat and a general are in front of a danger sign. Policeman hat guy smokes. General stares at us. War victim skeleton behind barbed wire. Garden Gnomes dance and nod in the water.
George Harrison sings. He is floating backwards towards the castle. A gargoyle monk. A castle. More gargoyles. George Harrison sings cross eyed. He opens the doors of the castle and looks around. George Harrison is on a bed, two lingerie models appear. Then they all disappear. View through a door, various people welcoming, including garden gnomes.
The person at the end of the line up is Dracula. We see Dracula next to George Harrison in a chair. Dracula turns into a woman. The woman then turns into several people then back into Dracula form. George sings in front of a menagerie of freaky people. Two women sway back and forth on a seat as George Harrison drives, singing on a lawn mower with people on the back.
The Queen waves from the castle. A young child in make up takes off his magic hat. Garden Gnomes dance near the water. George Harrison is dressed as the Mad Hatter with a bunch of freaky people. The Queen again. Freaky people stare at us and George Harrison sings. Everyone waves as the camera zooms out. The End.
- The song came out in 1976.
- George Harrison based the song on a meeting with a man who looked like comedian Lord Buckley. The man happened to be Lord Buckley’s manager and took him to his place, dubbed ‘Crackerbox Palace’
- Eric Idle from Monty Python directed the clip.
VICTORIOUS LIKE HOODLUMS OF MELBOURNE SOCCER
Traffic. Dudes in hoodies flip the bird. More dudes in hoodies. A Melbourne Tram. Dude in a hoodie nods to the beat. Close up of a rapper frantically writing rhymes. The singer is with his writing. ‘Fuck it all, you know what I mean?’ he says. Singer and his posse on the tram. Singer with his writing again, he stares at the camera. The singer starts rapping, his mate in a hoodie nods behind him. The singer raps with a beer on the tram.
The singer raps with heaps of writing on the wall behind him. Someone types ‘I hate tornts’ onto a computer. The singer raps on a tram and on a bridge with his mate. More shots of writing. A police car. A dude with a baseball cap looks through his blinds. ‘Fuck your shit man, you’re nothing but comedic entertainment’ laments the singer. We see the singer rapping on a tram and a room with blinds and in his writing room.
Dude swigs on a beer on the tram. Traffic. The singer raps in his writing room. The singer raps day and night at a bridge. His mate bops along to the beat. The rap keeps going on and on with more repeating shots between the bridge, the writing room and the tram. Traffic at night. The End.
- According to his bio TORNTS is from from the badlands of Melbourne.
- TORNTS has actually been around since 2003, this track was from 2010.
- From TORNTS bio ‘Tornts unique style is infamous for it’s raw aggressive style and delivery, with lyrics that are filled with descriptive imagery and real life accounts of urban decay, twisted visions and stories of city life, as well as annihilating other spitters with some sick bars.’
THINK ABOUT DIRECTION WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN’T BEFORE
A globe of the world spins with boats attached by chains. A young kid walks across a rooftop. Someone’s feet land onto a giant compass. Four people dance on a giant compass. Maps are projected on the wall behind them. A hammer is nailed into some wood. Four people dance in front of more images. We go down a road. A child is playing with a 3D toy. A compass merges into a toy windmill.
Flashes of R.E.M. jumping in the air. Two people ride a bike with a toy windmill on the back of the bike. Some ducks gather. A man feeds the ducks. Four people dance in front of images of trees and houses. An old lady gardens. A shot of a light bulb. The dancers dance in front of a globe of the world. R.E.M. jump in the air again. Someone plays a toy xylophone. More dancing. A child waters a plant. Someone throws some sticks. Dark water. A tree. Diagram of lightning. Electricity pole.
Someone jumps onto a large compass. Four people dancing in front of more images. Someone using a typewriter. An old lady unwraps newspapers. People dancing in the wind during a wah-wah drenched guitar solo. A leaf is pressed inside a world atlas. Electricity pole. Feet at the base of a rocking chair. More dancing. R.E.M. jump in the air. More dancing with images in the background.
A child plays with a sound toy. A cow’s behind. The open road. Four people join hands and walk around the compass. A kid runs across the roof. Screw goes into wood. Shot of an old lady. Man starts drawing a circle around himself. Some people wave from the street. Bass player Mike Mills smiles. Women and children wave from a balcony. Drummer Bill Berry smiles. More people waving.
The man completes his circle drawing. Guitarist Peter Buck looks at us. More dancing. Michael Stipe, singer, smiles and hides his face. More dancing. The kid with the chalk circle. The End.
- Guitarist Peter Buck said “Without a doubt,..the stupidest song we’ve ever written. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though”
- Weird Al Yankovic spoofed the song. He called his version ‘Spam’
SLOW AND STEADY HE’S GOT TIME TO COMMIT ANOTHER TV CRIME
Leather jacket man shuffles down the street. Black Sabbath are playing on the television inside a pawn shop. Leather jacket man pulls a gun on the pawn shop owner. Leather jacket man takes money off the pawn shop owner and runs off with the television. Black Sabbath are playing on the television as leather jacket man puts the television in the car. Dio sings in the television as the leather jacket man drives the car.
The car pulls up to the curb. Leather jacket man sells the television to a pimp. The pimp walks down the street with Black Sabbath playing on the television. The pimp sells the television to a man with a stall, who sells it to a woman. Dio sings. Skateboarders ride past the woman. One of the skateboarders steals the television from her. Shots of Black Sabbath playing and dudes skateboarding.
Black Sabbath plays as we see skateboarders doing tricks and a woman rocking out. This continues for a while. The television falls off a building into a homeless man’s trolley. The homeless man wipes the television screen. Tony Iommi starts playing a guitar solo. The homeless man does a little dance. The homeless man sells the television to a baseball cap wearing dude. The homeless man is peeved at the small amount of change he has been given.
Baseball cap dude is excited by Black Sabbath being on the television. Red suited man wins the television in a card game with baseball cap dude. The television, still showing Black Sabbath, is placed in a garage. A man furiously cleans a yellow car. He takes the television to a pawn shop. He trades it for a red guitar in the window. The man walks down the street with the guitar. We see Black Sabbath finish the song. Dio has his arms in the air. Television static. The End.
- Dio was the second singer for Black Sabbath, replacing original singer Ozzy Osbourne.
- The song came out in 1992 and is about televangelists.
- Bass player Geezer Butler says the video ‘makes no sense’
THERE’S ONE TASTE THAT JUST CAN’T BE DUPLICATED
Michael J. Fox assembles and attaches a robot Michael J. Fox head to a robot body. Robot Michael J. Fox wiggles his hands and opens his eyes. “Perfect, absolutely perfect” says Michael J. Fox.
Michael J. Fox goes to pick up his Diet Pepsi. Robot Michael J. Fox grabs the Diet Pepsi at the same time. They jerk the Diet Pepsi back and forth. Michael J. Fox falls backwards. Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend comes in and hits Michael J. Fox with the door. Michael J. Fox falls down the trash compactor chute.
Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend assumes the robot is Michael J. Fox. “You just don’t look yourself today” she says. “Diet Pepsi – taste that’s generations ahead” intones the voice over. Michael J. Fox appears in the window, trying to get his girlfriend’s attention. The End.
- Lori Loughlin from Full House plays Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend.
PRESS THE BUTTON PRESS THE BUTTON IT’S ALL REMOTE
Fade in from white. Close up of a woman singing. Subliminal flashes including two military men and a dollar sign. Male gypsy starts singing the first verse. Images flash behind him, including Richard Nixon and a bomber plane. He sings in front of a shot of the woman singing and shots of Haysi Fantayzee. The woman and the male gypsy both sing ‘No chance!’ in front of blackness.
The woman, in futuristic 80’s fashion, sings the chorus on an orange and black flashing background. Male gypsy plays an extremely fast lead break on a guitar and throws the guitar away. On a black background both singers sing and dance in a jaunty fashion. Close up of the female singer singing. We see a crow. Zoom into a globe, a building then to a chess board.
There is a man in black playing chess with a crow. He pulls out a chess piece and takes a piece from the board shaped like a crow. Over various photos the male gypsy dances during a fiddle solo. Over a black background the male gypsy sings. The woman pokes him with a stick.
Male gypsy sings with a shot of someone polishing shoes with pearls in the background. More photos flash behind him, including a rocket ship and the woman’s legs in stockings. Male gypsy pulls down various images off the screen to reveal the woman singing.
The woman and the male gypsy dance strangely and sing the chorus. There are more shots of them juxtaposed over each other. They both karate chop the screen to the close beat puncuations. The woman stares into the distance. The End.
- Kate Garner, the singer, is also a fashion photographer and designed the group’s eccentric outfits.
- The lyrics are surreal, with lines like ‘I’m a hot retard, Marquis de Sade’.
- Kate Garner appeared in the video for Eurythmics ‘Who’s That Girl’ video along with Bananarama.
HE SAID IT’S ROMANCE AND SO WE ALL HAD TO DANCE
The singer is at the top of a yacht. He’s wearing tight stripey pants. He takes a huge jump into the water. Riots in Brixton. A man in the crowd is stealing a television set. The singer starts singing in front of a surreal painting. He dances and sings in a mime-like fashion. He signals to the right and left of him. Eight people start dancing around him to the beat.
In a smoke filled room the singer runs from pole to pole with agility. He sings out of the window to the people at Salamanca Market below. The singer hits the chorus with the eight dancers singing along. The singer leans on a table that isn’t really there.
The singer is singing and dancing through Salamanca Market. The eight dancers continue to groove on. Close up of one of the dancers in a suit. Footage of a man being arrested by police. Riot police in front of a fire. More singing and dancing with the eight people as the chorus hits.
It’s definitely the 80’s as the singer sings, walking through the crowd at Salamanca Market. It’s a sunny day. A woman sings along with the singer as the crowd looks on. More singing of the chorus with the dancers. The singer is at Salamanca again and joins in on a group rolling dice. He rolls two fives. The group take his winnings. They sing the chorus to him. He sings and walks, flipping his hand and dissing them.
The singer and the eight dancers sing the final chorus in front of the surreal painting. They stop dancing for a second and look upwards. They continue dancing and singing then all jump into the air. Freeze frame. The End.
- The origins of Chainmale and this song are rather mysterious. There is a theory that the singer moved from Cape Town to Hobart, as indicated by the lyrics.
- What is known is that the singer’s name is Michael Freeland and he was a performance artist.
- There are few other videos of Chainmale on Youtube. In one he discusses the Brixton riots in 1981.
ACTING LIKE A ROBOT ITS METAL BRAIN EXPLODES
A motorbike rides through a forest. Two policeman on motorbikes ride towards a burning American flag with ‘For The People’ written on it. They are guarding a limousine. Close up of fingers on a gun trigger. A flash of white. Close up of a man’s face, his eyes are fire. Fire surrounds the face. Megadeth singer Dave Mustaine’s face appears in the flames singing the first line of the song.
We see some rich fatcats and a priest drinking and laughing. They are smoking cigars. Feet walking seen through a fence. Close up of Dave Mustaine’s face. Protesters walk towards a gate. We see the rich fatcats again.
There are protesters, one has a sign that says ‘Peace Now’. Riot police on horseback. The protesters walk towards a gate. We see David Ellefson rocking out on his bass. A politician’s face is covered in graffiti. The protesters are reaching through the gate. The rich fatcats are laughing again at the table. Dave Mustaine sings to us. The drummer is rocking out.
A crows applauds as a limousine pulls up. Dave Mustaine sings to us again. Guitarist Marty Friedman looks deeply into the camera. The drummer hits hard. There are flames over a guitar. A politician gets out of the Limousine with his wife, he is clasping the crowd’s hands. Dave Mustaine sings about acting like a robot. Politician in front of burning American flag. He continues to press the flesh. Megadeth continue to rock out. The media are there.
Dave Mustaine sings. The politician laughs. He is shot by a man wearing sunglasses. The politician falls. We see fire and the band. Dave Mustaine sings the chorus. We see a homeless man pushing a trolley. We see his reflection in the limousine. Dave Mustaine continues singing. We see a man crouched on the street. A young kid walks around him in circles with an American flag. More shots of the band and the crouched man.
The drummer athletically hits the drums. Marty Friedman plays a guitar solo. A quick flash of a youth jumping over a an American flag covered seat. The protesters are being washed down with a hose by the riot police. In between shots of Megadeth we see the crowd rioting.
Dave Mustaine sings. We see a a reflection of the American flag and fire in the limousine window. Flames. The politician is shot again. Dave Mustaine sings. The rich fatcats and the priest at a table yet again. Now flash forward and the priest shoots at the politician. A large man in a suit also shoots at the politician. The politician’s dead face is stroked by his wife.
The politician kisses a baby in front of a burning American flag. Two youths walk down the street, one pulls out a gun. Dave Mustaine looks into the distance. A limousine rolls past a burning American flag with the words ‘For The People’ underneath. The song ends. Subliminal flashes. The End.
- The song featured in Beavis & Butthead, they thought it was cool.
- James Hetfield of Metallica kicked Dave Mustaine’s dog when Mustaine was still a member of Metallica.
- The Pied Piper of Hamelin is referenced in the chorus to the song.
- When Megadeth won a Grammy in 2016, the backing band played Metallica’s ‘Master of Puppets’ as Mustaine took to the stage. Mustaine was fired from Metallica in 1983.
THEN SHE WHIPPED OUT A GUN AND TRIED TO BLOW ME AWAY
Someone is using a pneumatic drill. Steve Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith fame walk by. We hear someone whistle. We pan up to see that the person drilling is a female in a safety helmet. Steve Tyler puts his hands to his face. He is shocked for some reason. Steve Tyler starts singing on stage with Aerosmith. He is wearing a kimono. He is dancing and pouting while he sings. He thrusts his microphone stand emphatically. The song fully kicks in. Steve Tyler dances and struts.
The song keeps going and the band continue to play on the smokey stage. Steve Tyler grabs his crotch as he sings. His mouth is huge. There is a shot of a woman in her underwear. Joe Perry manoeuvres his guitar. Shot of a scantily clad woman with a saxophone. The woman in her underwear whips a chair. Steve Tyler sings right into the camera.
Aerosmith continue playing onstage. We zoom in on a bride and groom. They turn around and the bride is a man with a long beard and the groom a woman with a moustache. Steve Tyler keeps singing. Behind shot of another woman in a green dress playing saxophone. Steve Tyler throws a woman in the air and catches her. He kisses her on the stomach. We follow a hand to a woman’s leather clad behind. Her Skirt is ripped off and reveals an Aerosmith tattoo on her buttocks.
Joe Perry plays a ripping guitar solo. Steve Tyler does the Walk Like An Egyptian dance. After the guitar solo Steve Tyler sings another verse. He thrusts his crotch. Aerosmith are rocking out on stage to the chorus.
The bearded bride and a different woman kiss. Steve Tyler grinds the microphone stand. Aerosmith keep playing as the song mercifully fades out. The End.
- Steve Tyler based the song on a time he mistook Vince Neil from Motley Crue as a woman at a bar.
- The song was originally titled ‘Cruisin’ For The Ladies’
- The song was used in the Robin William’s film ‘Mrs Doubtfire’
- Steve Tyler has defended the song by citing the lyric ‘Never judge a book by a cover or who you’re going to love by your lover’
WHO RIDES THE WRECKING BALL INTO OUR GUITARS
There is a small village. Birds fly past. The sky turns dark as two singers appear. A UFO flies past. Now a bass player and guitarist are behind a giant snare drum. The snare drum is being hit. The singer sings and dances on the spot. He has a mullet. He is singing and dancing in front of the darkened village. Frozen images of people appear around him.There is a close up of a cool dude in sunglasses and a close up of a woman’s face.
The singer keeps singing as people look to the sky. We see the Abraham Lincoln monument. People gather and walk towards the Abraham Lincoln monument and stare at it. The singer sings to the Abraham Lincoln monument. The Abraham Lincoln monument comes to life. He stands up and sings ‘Rock n Roll’. People stare at him. The singer raises his eyebrow at Lincoln.
The female singer sings to us in front of shots of clubs. More and more frozen people appear until she is surround by 80’s people in leather jackets. She continues singing. A giant pair of dice fall from a building. A crowd of people run through the city. A giant dice now chases them.
Guitarist plays a passionate guitar fill as figures walk behind him. The man and lady sing in front of the city. People run frantically across the city like ghosts. The guitarist plays wildly. More people running as the man and woman sing.
A crowd stare upwards at a skyscraper. Starship are playing on top of the skyscraper! The band sing the triumphant chorus of ‘We built this city on rock n roll’ People are climbing up the scaffolding around them. The drummer has an amazing mullet and belts out an excellent drum fill.
Now a crowd of groovers dance with Starship. Fade to black. The End.
- ‘We built this city’ is often cited as one of the worst songs of the 1980’s.
- Bernie Taupin (Elton John’s writer) wrote the lyrics.
- Ironically the song’s theme is anti-commercial and anti-corporate.
- One of the lyrics is about police choking people in Los Angeles.